With every couple, the question always follows, “How’d you two meet?” Well, it’s an interesting story.
As I get ready to write this, I’m hesitant because I know everyone in my family may read this. Not that it’s embarrassing or I’m confessing things I’ve never said. It’s just a little awkward thinking about writing things that I really only have kept to myself. But you know what? This blog is for me to be as open as I can be or want to be, and I have nothing to be embarrassed about, anymore.
I guess I’ll start by saying, it wasn’t an easy path for me. Nothing seemed to be working. Never been good with girls. Been on a few single dates, but nothing more than that. I gave up. I tried too hard. I did everything and nothing at all. I signed up for Match, eHarmony, Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. I deleted my accounts, took a break, and started it all over again. This went on for years.
The one thing that I kept telling myself was that things must be happening for a reason. God has a plan for me and isn’t ready to reveal it just yet. Because no one could have had the luck that I had without there being some bigger master plan.
Something my parents may not have known, I was on the radio, a couple of times actually. The first time was for a segment called “The Wheel of Men” run by the Smiley Morning show on WZPL 99.5. This was a “speed-dating” type of event. They had a custom-made merry-go-round similar to one you’d find on a playground in the 80’s, men would sit on it, and women would spin the wheel. Whoever it landed on, they went on a speed-date that lasted only a couple of minutes. After signing up, I got an email asking if I’d be willing to come into the studio to play some games on air. Sure, why not? It was a fun time. Nothing too embarrassing. But what followed after the show was another one of the strange occurrences that left me thinking, WTF?
After the show, I was walking back to my car and I got a notification on my phone for a new friend request on Facebook. My initial thought was that it was someone who heard me on the radio and looked me up. After seeing who it was, I saw that she had nearly 12 friends in common with me. All here in Indy, and looked like it was from two groups I was a part of. Neither of the groups were related. One was a group of church friends, others were designer friends. So maybe she just coincidentally added me as a friend. I added her and followed up with a message asking, “How do we have this many friends in common, and we don’t know each other?” She wondered that too. But I still wasn’t sure if she heard me on the radio or not, so I asked her how she came about adding me as a friend. She had heard me on the radio, thought I sounded nice, and found me on Facebook. It just so happened that we had friends in common.
We chatted for a few days. Few messages back and forth each day. Then after I felt she was comfortable, I asked if she’d like to meet sometime, maybe for a coffee. This is when she revealed to me that maybe it wasn’t the best idea and that she would pass. It wasn’t known to many people, but she let me know that she was currently 9 weeks pregnant. I honestly don’t remember what I responded with, but I know that was the last I had talked with her.
The actual Wheel of Men event was fun. Since I’d been in the studio, and met all the hosts, they were all extra friendly with me. The night was filled with about 100 guys, and a few hundred women. There were only maybe 6-8 spots to sit on the wheel. Guys would line up to sit on it, women would line up to spin. Once they landed on a guy, they’d head up to the second level where they were seated at a table, and after a few minutes, someone would come up to let you know the time was up. It was up to you to decide what to do after that. If you hit it off, you could continue your talk elsewhere, or get back in line.
Since I was known to the team, I was one of the first 6 (or 8) on the wheel for the night, and I just happened to be the first one that was landed on. What an awkward experience. Never participated in this before, 1000 pairs of eyes were all on me, expecting me to know what to do next. I had no idea. I think I took the young woman’s hand, and we made our way to the stairs where we were escorted to our table. The wheel continued to spin on to the next couple, and so on.
Out of the entire night, I don’t remember a single woman. I probably got more spins on the wheel than most guys, and in return, met the most women. The hosts would see me back in line, and send me back to the front again. On a night that I thought there would be a good shot of meeting someone, I found it much harder than I expected. It was such a blur, and out of the 100’s of women there, I probably only talked to 10, and since it was random encounters, I met with women of all different types and not necessarily ones I wanted to meet. I could tell I was a guy on the wheel that a couple wished they didn’t get as well. But overall the night was fun. I was invited to join the hosts at the followup bar. That was a cool experience.
The second time I was on the Smiley Morning Show was for Septinder (Sept-Tinder, September+Tinder dating app). It was a head-to-head Batchlorette-style game. Where they had a girl on the show, asking questions to two guys at a time, and then she’d pick one and they’d move on to the next round. This was a call-in portion, and I answered a couple of questions, they went to a commercial break, and she chose the other guy. That following weekend, I was out and saw on Twitter that the show’s hosts were at a local sports bar. I swung by on my way home. The contestant was there too. Since I had just been a part of the Wheel of Men a few months before, I hoped they still remembered me. They did and invited me to sit down with them. After a while, I got up to go use the restroom. After I came back the contestant did so as well, where the hosts revealed to me that she mentioned to them that she probably made the wrong decision by eliminating me. But, after talking with her in the time I was there, I’m glad she made the choice she did. I just knew there wouldn’t have been a match. (I am Facebook friends with her and have seen that she and the guy she ultimately chose, are having a kid together. Congratulations, if you happen to read this.) That following Monday, my sister sent me a text telling me that they were still talking about me on the show. The hosts were giving the contestant a hard time for instantly eliminating me.
There was also another event I found on Meetup called the “Lock & Key.” Women got locks, men got keys, and you were tasked with finding the matching set. It forced you to talk to girls. Once you found a lock and key match, you went and got a new set and started over again. Nothing really came out of that event.
Another event I signed up for from the recommendation of my boss at that time was a dating town hall. I don’t remember exactly what the title of it was, but it was an author who had a traveling show, charged $45, and had a panel on stage talking about how people weren’t finding dates anymore. It was sold as an event that was supposed to help you find new places to meet people other than the bar, talk to people, and get that first date. What it was was her showing how girls act at the bar, why guys won’t go up to talk to them, why people weren’t getting second dates, and if you should sleep with someone on the first date. They skipped right over the part about how to get that first date, the thing that this was advertised as the main talking point, and what I really wanted to know. Then they had a guy walking down the aisle where people could ask questions, and then they were selecting men and asking them where they go to meet women. I was sitting right along the aisle, and the guy with the microphone was stopping at every row asking the guys at the end of the row where they go to meet women. At this point, knowing that I blew $45 on this talk, I was not happy. As he was making his way closer and closer to me, I was undecided on whether I was going to “pass” or say “I don’t know, that’s why I came here.” It probably showed on my face, because the microphone guy passed right over me. After learning nothing, they had an afterparty, at a bar. I went straight home. As we left the town hall venue, they passed out a free book from the author. Once I made it home, I promptly filed it into the trashcan.
Then there were the apps. I’d tried Match before apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble were around. I never had any luck. I paid for 6 months once, then got another 6 months free because I hadn’t met anyone. To get those 6 months free, you had to email 3 people a week. Or maybe it was 3 a month. I forget. Whatever it was, I did it. I got zero dates from it. Maybe had a couple of email conversations. And that free 6 months was exactly the same.
Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble were all the same. I had no idea what was going on. I RARELY had any matches. I had a friend who showed me all the matches he had. Like 20 people he’d been talking to. I had zero. Thinking that something was wrong, I deleted my account, signed back up, and swiped right on every one. After a week, I matched with 2 people. What the hell is going on? This wasn’t just a one-time thing. This had been like this ever since I downloaded Tinder in 2014, six full years of it. Very few matches over those years. I did go on a couple of dates, but either I wasn’t interested, or they weren’t.
I was having such bad luck, the only thing I could think of was that this had to be a part of God’s plan. Everyone I’d talked to had MANY more matches than me. I even had friends, girl-type friends, look at my profile. None of them saw any glaring issues. Photos looked professional and my profile made me sound down-to-earth. They couldn’t understand it either.
I get that maybe my personality is too dry for people when they first meet me. And I have a collection of various toys in my office. I also have a full-sized real-life pinball machine in my guest room. All those things may scare people away. But that wasn’t the problem. I wasn’t even getting matches. They wouldn’t have known those things about me until they met me. This is why I gave up multiple times. I kept thinking that if I were to meet someone, God would place them in my path. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.
At the end of 2019, I decided that next year was going to be my year. The year where I put myself out there and go meet people. The year that I would go to all the bars, and all the venues, and talk to all the girls. I decided this in December of 2019. The next year I was going to turn 40. I had until November to meet someone before that number came. 2020 was going to be my year. What was going to stop me?
To be continued…
God did have a plan. Leann is wonderful!